Men, It’s OK to be an Asshole Sometimes



You tired of being labeled an asshole when all you are trying to do is handle your duties as a man, an adult, citizen, husband, and father?

Me to.  I am fed up with feeling like I fucked- up when someone calls me an Asshole.  Now I know that in the course of handling my duties and responsibilities as a man, some humans, including family, friends, colleagues, and co-workers may judge me to be an asshole just for accomplishing my manly duties.  Humans can be so judgmental.  And the basic definition of asshole is, “An irritating or contemptible person.”  Hell, my wife can be annoyed with me before I come home from work.  I’m an asshole before I hit the front door.  Well I am tired of feeling embarrassed.  I want it to be socially acceptable.  Sometimes, in the course of being a man, its OK to be called an Asshole.

You Men know that I am talking about.  You get called an Asshole too.  And you feel disrespected and embarrassed because all you were doing is taking care of your responsibilities as a Man.

To tell you the truth, I never thought myself an Asshole.  But in my research on “Assholeology” I found two distinct types of asshole:  “Big Assholes,” and “Little Assholes.”   I ignorantly assumed all men are Big Assholes. But only about 2% of all assholes  possess the fucked up personality to be Big Asshole.  The rest of us can be, but not all the time, Little Assholes.

Assole part of my essence


A Big Assholes are evil, cruel, bullies.  They are narcissistic, back-stabbing sociopaths who are rude, selfish, oppressive, uncivil, mean-spirited, and really enjoy fucking over other people for the pure pleasure of it.   



A Little Asshole is a man who is basically a hard working good guy.  Who, from time to time, is judged to be an asshole (like my wife does me sometimes).  A Little Asshole is like being the Hulk.  Most time we men are like mild mannered Bruce Banner.  But sometimes in the course of ding our duty as men, we “hulk up” and get called asshole by others.  Then it goes away again.  I consider myself an eccentric.   Maybe unconventional.  So yes, I confess that some humans find me annoying, thus an Asshole. I do have a big mouth.  I talk a lot. I am loud (from so many years in the military barking orders).  My voice can dominate a room.  I can be over-bearing and controlling (a side effect of military service I theorize).     I speak with such self-confidence; others judge me to be arrogant.  No wonder so many people think I am an Asshole.


“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.” -Raylan Givens, Justified


Because to be judged an asshole one has to be merely irritating.  Humans are quick to judge who is, and who is not an asshole.  From studying highly judgmental people, I discovered a psycho-biological defect in the human “friend or foe” response.  As a safety mechanism, all Homo sapiens scan other humans around us into make a quick threat assessment.

“Friend” is OK.  “Foe,” I would have to draw my sword.

That screening behavior is necessary to survive a combat zone, dangerous urban neighborhoods, and any other place human wolves are present.  Most Homo sapiens, their “friend or foe” radar is turned up too high.   Both genders are equally too quick to negatively judge and label humans they come in contact with; swiftly presuming the human scanned is “irritating,” therefore an Asshole.

My mother-in-law, her Asshole detection radar was turned up all the way. She said, “I don’t even have to talk to him.  He does not have to say a word.  I can just look at him (finger snap) and spot an Asshole just like that.” 
Female asshole get treated better.  It’s our custom to call a Man an Asshole, and make him feel bad for being one.    A woman, we call her a Bitch.  Of course there are gender variations in the definition of Bitch.  As I said, a Woman who is called a Bitch, she is actually an Asshole.  A male who is called a Bitch, he is actually a Pussy.  In actual fact, a Bitch is lower than a Pussy on the Man-O-Meter. That’s for another blog.



Anyway, I am digressing.  Women have taken ownership of the word—Bitch.  Calling her a Bitch  used to be an insult to most Women.  On the contrary, over the last decade or so, Women are feeling empowered when called a Bitch.  It means she is recognized for handling her business, all of her responsibilities as an Adult, Citizen, Wife, and Mother. To her, being called a Bitch means she is a woman of character, possessed with tenacity, courage, resilience, motivation, and leadership.

i-m-not-a-bitch-i-m-the-bitch-and-to-you-i-m-ms-bitch-1My wife has a T-Shirt she wears when we ride my Harley—

“I am Not a Bitch.  I am THE Bitch.  And it’s Miss Bitch to you … Motherfucker.”

It’s time we Men step up and own Asshole.Gentlemen, we have to change the rules. asshole2


It is OK to be called an Asshole.



If it is OK for a Woman to be a Bitch, with a sense of pride about the title, I want it to be OK to be an Asshole.

I told you, there are a few males who love being a Big  Asshole.    Then there are the rest of us, millions of Men, the Little Assholes, taking care of their business, handling all of their duties and responsibilities as Adults, Citizens, Husbands, and Fathers.  In the course of handling our business, we are going to be irritate some to some.

I have been called an Asshole by Wives, kids, co-workers, even friends and acquaintances.  They find me irritating at times.  OK,  I can live with that.

Men, we work our asses off to live our lives as good Men.  We take care of our responsibilities.  We try to find joy in our lives for ourselves, and we try to bring joy to others.   We must acknowledge the time tested axiom: you can’t make everyone happy all the time; you will go insane.


It is beyond your control.  Unless you live in a cave on a faraway planet, you will piss off “somebody.”  And that “somebody” will find you to be irritating annoying.  And BINGO! You’re an Asshole.


Accept that we Men are going to be called an Asshole from time to time.


Men, it’s OK to be called an Asshole sometimes. 





Men, we Assholes need to stick together.  Write to me.  Send me your comments.  Tell me your experiences being called an Asshole.