Ladies, you still picking douche bags to fall in love with?  Do you know why? 

 

sms-3917You are supposed to be picking your prince, the best bull from the herd.  Instead you girls just keep on picking toads and douche-bags to fall in love with.  They always break your heart and steal your shit.  But you keep picking them.

Why do women pick a cow instead of a bull?  It’s a simple lack of training (yes there is a class).  You ladies know you’re supposed to pick a prince to marry, but most of you end up settling for a candy-ass bitch.

Don’t shy away from the title ladies—you need some Man Hunter training (yes again, there is a class) to teach you how to sort through the herd more thoroughly for the very best bull.   You will also learn how sex is used (99% foreplay only) like a fishing lure.

Speaking of sex, did you know that biologically, mating is the pairing of the opposite sex for copulation, impregnation, and production of offspring?

Most humans call it sleeping together, making love, or fucking.

Did you know that female humans are the only species on the planet “in heat” year round? Unlike (monkey) primates, who mate seasonally within their troop a few times a year, we male humans can impregnate our females any time they want.

The libidos of (monkey) primate males “turn on and off” with the female’s cycle.  Because human females have no mating season, the human male, our libidos are “on” all the time, cocked and locked 24/7, ready to fulfill our male biological mating mission—slam, bam, and thank you ma’am. Next!

For human males, it is all about the numbers, biologically speaking.  Males constantly hunt for females to mate with because our mission is to “dispense” (read “bust a nut”) several times a day, to multiple females, every day of the year. This intense libido we men have—our addictive craving to get laid, it can drive us to mate with anything that moves—overwhelming an untrained and undisciplined adolescent male brain.

For even the most mature and self-disciplined Man, it takes will power and a robust horniness management program to control ourselves.  It’s just a matter of getting a grip on it before it gets out of hand (courtesy laugh for two double entendres in one sentence please).

Female humans, your biological mating mission is all about offspring, to produce beautiful and healthy children. To accomplish her mission, she must, “cut from the herd,” the biggest, handsomest, nicest, smartest, most loving and wealthiest male she can find, to fall in love with, to marry, to impregnate her, and to be there as her loving and faithful Husband and patient and caring Father of her children.

NIfZ_thINSTEAD, YOU GIRLS MUST BE HIGH ALL THE TIME, OR BRAIN DAMAGED, BECAUSE MOST OF YOU, OVER AND OVER, PICK THE LAZIEST, STUPIDEST, FILTHIEST, UNEMPLOYED, IMMATURE, LIAR, CHEATING BASTARD, THE MOST SELFISH, UNMOTIVATED, IGNORANT, AND COWARDLY DIP SHIT YOU CAN FIND. THEN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THE JERK BEFORE YOU REALIZE HE IS A DOUCHE BAG. MUST BE GOOD SHIT YOUR SMOKING?

OK ladies, I am sorry I yelled. I just want you to be happy.

Anyway, this conflict in gender mating biology contributes to you picking douche bags.  All guys want all the women, while all girls want the one, the very best male. Women have to kiss (and probably screw) a lot of douche-bags to find their prince, that one perfect Man.  Why?

First, there are not that many fully trained good Men in the herd (I am working to train more).  Most males in a herd that you will come in contact when they hit on you are bitches.  The second reason you pick badly is because females make their mate selection by 99% emotion and 1% logic. It’s an emotional train wreck for you ladies nearly every time because you don’t know how to spot a prince in the herd of toads.  That can change with training (I did say there was a class).

Maybe it not 99%.  Maybe you use only 90% emotional selection and 10% logical.  Here is what one wonderful lady (Jackie) told me how girls pick a guy.

1.  “First I meet this guy. He seems to be a keeper. He is big, strong, charming, and handsome. He makes me laugh and feel good. I’m thinking that I hope I don’t fall in love with him too fast.”

2.  “Then, I realize, oh shoot, too late, I love him.”

3.  “But, wait, he is turning out to be a bastard who takes my money, cheats on me, and makes me cry a lot.”

4.  “No problem, I can fix him like Mom fixed Dad. We women have been training our men for decades.”

5.  “Oh man, I give up. I really can’t fix him.”

6.  “Now, my heart is broken and I have to leave him, the man I fell in love with. Damn!”

7.  “Next, I go back to step 1 and repeat with the next guy I fall in love with. Once I get my heart broken a few more times, I will slip into my emotionally dark place, to become a jealous, unloved, man-hating, lesbian, psycho bitch!”

OK, if I would to turn Jackie’s comments into a PowerPoint slide for training boys on courtship, it would read  more like this.

FEMALE MATE SELECTION PROCESS: BAD BOY TYPE

1.  See bad boy. She thinks he is handsome, charming, and funny.

2.  Pick bad boy. Reasons listed in step 1.

3.  Fall in love with bad boy.

4.  Realize bad boy is a bastard.douchebag-11

5.  Attempt to “fix” bad boy.

6.  Can’t fix; dump bad boy.

7.  Begin weeping, sobbing, and blubbering while eating chunky monkey ice cream.

8.  Become gloomy, dejected, disappointed, and miserable.

9.  Recover emotionally just enough to stupidly repeat step 1.

10.  Continue repeating bad boy selection process until the loss of all self-esteem, guilt, failure, and depression causes her to change from a beautiful, intelligent, and happy Woman, to a man-hating, unloved, psycho lesbian, with a chunky monkey addiction.

 

So now you know why you pick douche-bags.  There are too many toads out there begging you for booty, and you make your choice by emotion over any logic.  It’s OK.  There is a simple fix.  With a little training you will find love and marriage to be more fun with a prince, hung like a bull instead of a toad.

What is this Man Hunter training you ask?  I will tell you soon.

Tony

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Tony Lavelle

Greetings blog reader, My name is Tony Lavelle. I have to tell you up front that about 25% of those I meet usually end up judging me to be a total asshole. Furthermore, to add insult to injury, my wife concluded years ago that I am “full of shit.” I start off with two strikes before you even read my blog. May we split the difference? As we will never meet, you can’t see me. So would you stay with me if I am just 50% of a total asshole, and merely half full of shit? Maybe my “assholeness” comes out more in person. But then, being one, I am not as skilled at spotting assholes as many of you are. Anyway, blog reader thanks for taking a moment to read what a guy half full of shit has to say. By now some of you are thinking, “Who the fuck is this guy?” Now is the perfect time to whip out my author bio containing enough of my background I hope will convince you I am not some total asshole talking out his ass: AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY (Abridged) “William Anthony Lavelle is a blogger, freelance writer, and author. Better known as “Tony,” he dedicated much of his adult life as a career military officer. After his service, Tony moved on to teach college as an adjunct professor of criminal justice, with an ancillary position as a local law enforcement supervisor. He has over 25 years teaching and training experience. His present-day mission is to guide (or drag) boys into manhood. Tony’s first book, The Manhood Test, sheds some light on the causes of why our young men fail to achieve adulthood. More importantly, Tony devised in his book a robust solution to overcome a boy’s 96% failure rate at becoming a Man. Read Tony’s straight-talking and impolite blog at www.tonylavelle.com. I hope I have done my job in bringing to you some fine wisdom and wonderful humor in this blog. I write with the hope I stimulate you. I am jazzed when one of my blogs hits a nerve, causing comment from those like you who care. Tony